Some may question whether there is any such thing as Kenyan social etiquette. Consider the sorts of rituals and traditions that take place at most gatherings. However, unlike the etiquette of western cultures, Kenyan etiquette has never been officially documented. For the most part, ours are unwritten rules, which are nonetheless observed on most occasions. For instance, at social gatherings there is a certain decorum that most Kenyans observe. KK ponders on some of these unwritten rules of etiquette to observe at the next function you attend.

Seating
There is an unwritten seating arrangement at most functions. Couples may initially sit next to each other when they arrive at a function, As the day/evening progresses, this arrangement becomes segregated. Men at one end, usually swigging Whiskeys and swapping dirty jokes, while their wives and girlfriends chat demurely in another corner. Men tend to catch on to this rule a lot faster than women. Younger ladies who are not experienced in accompanying their better half to family gatherings sometimes find this form of segregation offensive.

Washing hands
Washing hands before and after a meal is a universal rule that should always be observed. The difference in Kenyan culture is that hand washing is something of a ritual. The old saying, “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”, especially applies here. In some ethnic groups, it is believed that washing hands should be done in plain view of each other as a sign of respect. Ideally, someone circulates with a bowl, jug of hot water, soap and a towel, to each of the guests before food is served.

On the flip side of this public display of hygiene, there are those ethnic groups who actually refuse to wash their hands, particularly after enjoying a feast of nyama choma (roasted goat’s meat). This custom goes back to olden days when men would smear their faces and bodies with fat from goat’s meat (there was no such thing as body lotion) after they had eaten. Thankfully, this is no longer widely practiced, but for those who do, it is done as a gesture in honour of the ancestors.

Serve Tea
Tea is a vital part of any Kenyan function regardless of how large a variety of beverages you may be serving. Many Kenyans strongly believe that any time is tea time. A home without tea is like a bar without beer. A definite faux pas! Be ready to offer tea from the time your guests arrive to the time they leave, particularly if there are many elderly guests.

Mealtime
Here again the segregation comes into play. Women ensure that children and men are served first. In the case of a buffet-style meal, it is commonplace to find that women stand in the queues and serve food for their husbands, while men stay seated and anticipating the mountains of food delivered to them by their wives. This is not strictly observed at every occasion but in an ideal scenario, men should not leave their seats, but have their plates of food brought to them by the women – depending how you look at it.

Do’s and Don’t’s
In the Dholuo custom, if there is chicken on the menu, fleshy chicken legs and breasts are reserved exclusively for men, leaving the women with the smaller, bonier portions. Chicken gizzards are also reserved for men.

When it comes to nyama choma, the ‘arm’ or upper portion of the front leg is specially reserved for men, as per Kikuyu custom. The goat’s arm doesn't go to just any man, it is reserved for the host of the party. Once he’s chewed all the meat clean off the bone, the man then takes a knife and stabs the bone to pierce a hole in the centre.

This is just the tip of iceburg that is Kenyan social etiquette. It is as rich and diverse as our tapestry of tribal groups. There are no books and instruction manuals on these customs; rather they are deeply engrained into our psyche. Men and women who do observe them, do so with a definite sense of pride.